Barry Schrager, president of the country club's nine-member board, said Norton and his partner, Stewart D. Grossman, 62, were victims of an unfortunate misunderstanding that stemmed from the employee's error in stating the club's membership policy. The club abides by state law, which recognizes same-sex couples as civil unions and domestic partners, he said.

Grossman and his partner did not pursue a membership, but as the two men are preparing to file allegations against the 115-year-old club with the N.J. Division of Civil Rights, they say the problem is bigger than just one country club's gatekeeper. Their situation would have been avoided if state laws would allow them to say they are married.

"The equality is in the word," Grossman said. "If you tell people you're married, people know what that means."

Stephen Hyland, a Westwood family law attorney who has many gay and lesbian couples as clients, said the Glen Ridge County Club incident could be attributed to the legal prohibition of the word "marriage" with regard to same-sex couples.